Now you can hear like me!

Posted: July 28th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Last night my ears decided they were not sending enough sound to my brain. To compensate, they gave me the gift of tinnitus!

No more pesky silence for me- now I get the joys of a high pitched whine ALL DAY! Bonus: when I think about it, it gets LOUDER!

Now, I know what you’r thinking: “That’s not fair! Why does Luke get to hear the tiniest vuvuzela all day while I hear nothing? THIS IS SO UNFAIR.” Don’t worry – there is hope! I give you THE TINNITUS SIMULATOR!

Just play this clip in the background for the rest of your life:

Tinnitus

BAM! FREE TINNITUS FOR YOU!

You are welcome.

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How to Make The Awesome into The Awesomer

Posted: June 29th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

You know who is awesome?

George Clooney.

What could be better than looking at his face I’ll day?

I’ll tell you what: looking at a background of thousands of little Clooney faces all over your desktop, that’s what!

Look at this. I mean, just LOOK at it:

…and that’s just a sample! The full size desktop version is much, much larger.  HOW LUCKY CAN YOU GET?

You’re welcome.

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I would live in that city

Posted: June 25th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

The best thing about Google Voice is the ability to never have to speak to a car dealer over the phone. A very close second is the wacky automatic transcription service. A sample:

Yeah, Hello, this is for Lotus. Hey, look, is. This is J from Doughty Honda so awful. Would you regard to the Honda Civic Hybrid you were interested in just walking in the question 90, an offer got my last email. When you get a chance let me know. It’s up to better assist you. You can reach me back directly, or email me back. At (###) ###-####. Hans J tank from counting on in the city of alright bro, thanks a lot. You have a great day.

I’m not sure where “the city of  alright bro” is, but I’d bet Lebowski lives there. Also: I apparently have been given a bitchin’ hippie name, and Doughty Honda has some self esteem issues.

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How my iPod’s “random” feature seems to work:

Posted: June 25th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off
  1. Review entire catalog on iPod (roughly 27 thousand songs).
  2. Generate a random number between 1 and total number of songs.
  3. If the number is even, play the song that corresponds to the index number generated.
  4. If the number is odd, play one of the ten tracks by The Ziggens.

NO MORE ZIGGENS, IPOD RANDOM PLAY!

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Hey, a silly phone thing

Posted: May 17th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

Feel free to leave stupid messages on my google voice account. I’ll probably listen.

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An interview story

Posted: May 13th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

I interviewed today at a school that’s pretty progressive and laid back. Teachers tend to wear jeans and t-shirts. I was wearing my Interview Suit: black suit, light colored shirt, dark tie. There was a class of 1st & 2nd grade kids near the gate. As I walked in, one of them yelled “THE PRESIDENT IS COMING!”

Hail to the Chief, baby.

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Weird Night

Posted: May 12th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

So, I was in the hangar at Ferris Aircraft, monkeying around with a cockpit simulator, when all of the sudden the door slams shut and there’s this weird green light all around. Next thing you know, the simulator- the SIMULATOR, not a real plane- takes off, and I’m flying over the desert! I wasn’t scared- I’m pretty much fearless- but boy, what a trip!

So, the thing finally lands, and – I swear to God – there’s a freakin’ spaceship! This dude with a really bad sunburn says “you have been chosen,” throws his jewelry at me, and DIES.

This is the ring he threw at me. I sold it on ebay – I got fifty bucks! Well, I haven’t got it yet, but I will when the check gets here from Qward.

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Two reasons why I won’t be putting my Facebook spoof idea here

Posted: May 7th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off
  1. Do we really need another Facebook spoof?
  2. This was the logo for my “hilarious” concept:

    No one needs to see that.
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Victorian Upperclass Names Based on Labels on Telephone Poles (#1)

Posted: April 27th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

Osmose Woodfume.

“Good Heavens, Mr. Woodfume! The mill workers are in a state of unrestrained apoplexy!”

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Album Names Based on Bulletin Board Comments (#1)

Posted: April 8th, 2010 | Author: Dogwelder | Filed under: Uncategorized | Comments Off

Stratification of Evil.

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